The Art of Giving the Right Fucks: A No-BS Guide to Protecting Your Energy & Living Your Best Life

⚠️ Note: This is an extra sweary episode because sometimes that’s exactly what the topic calls for. You’ve been warned! ⚠️

If you’re tired of feeling burnt out, spread thin, and giving fucks about things that don’t actually matter…this episode is your permission slip to stop that shit

Here’s the truth – you have a finite number of fucks to give, and society, culture, family – hell, even that rando on Instagram – all have opinions about where those should go.

But you know what? That sneaky little fucker called “should” has been running your show without you even realizing it and that stops NOW.

So today, we’re changing all that because when you know better, you do better.

And it’s never too late to start giving the right fucks.

On today’s episode all about protecting your energy so you can live YOUR best damn life, we discuss:

• Why you’re treating your fucks like confetti at the NYE party you didn’t even want to attend
• How giving too many fucks is draining your emotional energy i.e. getting in the way of you living your best life
• 5 types of fuck-giving that are burning and stressin’ you out
• A framework for becoming a connoisseur of fuck-giving (so fancy!)

And ends with The Fuck Yeah Challenge: Your step-by-step guide to reallocating your fucks.

Mentioned In This Episode

My hot-take on the defining your core values exercise

The (Mostly Unedited) Transcript

Jen V. “Best Damn Life” Coach & Consultant:
Welcome to Your Best Damn Life. The show you’re about to listen to is for anyone ready to see just how good life can get when you give yourself permission to grab possibility by the balls and become your own ride or die. I’m Jen Vertanen, your f bomb dropping strategic guide, you’ve been warned, for turning someday maybe into holy shit, I’m actually doing this. Whether you’re scared shitless or ready to raise some holy hell and break the rules, we’re exploring what it really takes to create your best damn life. Let’s do this. Hey. Hey there. Welcome back to your best damn life, the fun, the fuckery, and everything in between.

Today is an extra sweary show because we are diving right into a very foundational part of living your best damn life, and that is the art of giving only the right fucks. Because life is simply too damn short to waste time and energy on shit that truly doesn’t matter to you. And I know you know this. But you know that feeling when you’re burnt out, crispy around the edges, exhausted, a bit resentful, and you’re spread so thin that you basically could be a human burrito. That’s what happens when you’re giving too many fucks about things that don’t deserve your time and energy. But today, we’re gonna give you some fresh perspectives so you can, stop that shit. Each of us has a finite number of fucks, and yet we’re over here tossing them around like confetti at the New Year’s Eve party that you didn’t even really wanna go to in the first place. Think of it like your bank account, and every time you give a fuck towards something that actually doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of you living your best damn life, you’re making a withdrawal from that bank.

And I know you’re like me and you don’t like to see that bank balance go down. The thing is is that as human beings, we are terrible at budgeting our fucks, but you can learn to get better without going super problematic like, say, Dave Ramsey. So here’s some examples illustrating giving too many fucks instead of the right fucks. People pleasing, saying yes to every request, running around trying to make everyone else happy, running on empty while your dreams collect dust on the shelf. Or what about joking that you should have your therapist on speed dial because it’s that damn bad. Or you’re obsessed with socials, constantly refreshing Insta TikToker threads and counting likes and comments and shares. Or what about comparing your life to someone else’s carefully curated highlight reel? You know they’re doing it, but so much so that you keep forgetting to actually live your own life. How about being a perfectionist? Hi.

It’s me. Perfect mom, perfect employee, perfect house, perfect daughter, perfect son, perfect spouse. Being so focused on getting everything right that you are stressed to the max and missing out on the joy of the actual little details that actually make life worth living. Or how about FOMO? Being so afraid to miss out on anything and everything that you’re not fully present anywhere. And then we have similar to being obsessed with the socials is constantly comparing yourself to others and trying to measure up so much so that your sense of self worth is in the shitter. Do any of these sound familiar? The people pleasing, the constant comparison, no wonder you’re not living your version of a best damn life. No wonder your friends and family aren’t living their version of a best damn life. Here’s the thing, though, is that society, culture, family of origin, family of choice, coworkers, etcetera, they all have ideas on what fucks we should be giving.

But like we talk around here, should is that sneaky little fucker, but you don’t even realize you’re doing it. But when you know better, you do better. When you know better, you do better. So how do we do this? How do we become connoisseurs of fuck giving? Yes. I got all fancy. First thing is to get clear on your values. What matters most to you? Not what you think should matter or what your mom thinks should matter or aunt Karen thinks should matter, but what lights you up? What makes you say, fuck, yeah. That’s where your fucks belong.

Number 2, do a fuck on it. Take a hard look at where you’re spending your emotional energy. Are you stressing about things that won’t matter in a year, in a month, tomorrow? It’s time to reallocate those fucks. Number 3, practice saying, not my circus. I know I’ve said this before. I’m sure you have. If it’s not your problem, don’t make it your problem. You’ve got enough on your plate without adopting other people’s drama and chaos.

Number 4, embrace the power of no. And I can feel you rolling your eyes. I get it. But no is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for setting boundaries. Practice saying it without guilt. It gets easier over time. Number 5, focus on what you can control.

Are you giving fucks to things that literally are outside of your control, weather, traffic, other people’s opinions. Let that shit go. I remember being stuck at the airport in a a 9 hour delay, and there there were no other flights out, but I was so stressed. I was so frustrated and that’s a normal reaction. Here’s the thing though. I had zero control over it. I had none. There was nothing I could do to make it better.

The only thing I could do was my reaction to it. So I took a deep breath and I said, not my fuck to give. So here’s where the magic happens. When you start giving your fucks to the right things, life changes. You have more energy for what truly matters. You start making progress on those dreams that you’ve been putting off. You feel lighter, freer, more you, and isn’t that the whole point? So it’s your turn. I want you to take on the fuck you challenge.

Here’s what you’re gonna do. Number 1, this is the fuck yeah audit. List everything you’re currently giving a fuck about. Be ruthlessly honest here. Now is not the right time to BS yourself. Number 2, ask yourself, does this align with my values? That was our number one above. Does it contribute to me living my best damn life? If the answer is no, it is time to let that fuck go. Now take those freed up fucks and reallocate them to something that truly matters to you.

Maybe you’ll finally sign up for that class you’ve been eyeing. Maybe you’ll have the courage to ask for that promotion. Maybe you’ll start that side hustle you’ve been dreaming about. Whatever it is, I want to hear about it. Drop me a message on Instagram @yourbestdamnlife or in our Facebook group. Tell me what you’re choosing to give a fuck about and what you’re letting go. It is always a good time to remember that you are the writer of your own story. You get to decide what matters, what deserves your energy, what’s worthy of your precious fucks.

It’s never too late to start giving the right fucks. And if you’re ready to go all in on creating a life full of more of what you want and less of what you don’t, get yourself on my calendar for a how good can it get deep dive session. You can learn how at yourbestdamnlife.com/work-together. Until next time, keep being unapologetically you and give your fucks wisely. Bye.